American declarations of a different sort

Claire, My sister-in-law is off to America this week. She is going on holiday. Before you leave for America you have to complete a declaration (on line). Here are the questions you must answer.

A) Do you have a communicable disease; physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?
- Now this one I can understand, you wouldn't want to let in any nutters to the country, I mean they have guns and stuff for sale in Walmart for goodness sake.

B) Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or have been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more; or have been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?
- Isn't this just a little too much to expect someone to answer truthfully. "Oh go on then you got me bang to rights, I once committed a crime of moral turpitude (I didn't pay for parking!) oh and yes I do intend to rob a bank.

C) Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved , in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?
- You can just imagine it can't you.
"Name"
"Adolf Hilter"
"Can you answer question C please!"
" Ya I have definitely not been involved, nein not me!"

D) Are you seeking to work in the U.S.; or have you ever been excluded and deported; or been previously removed from the United States or procured or attempted to procure a visa or entry into the U.S. by fraud or misrepresentation?
- Bugger caught me out again. Yup I want to work in McDonald's.

E) Have you ever detained, retained or withheld custody of a child from a U.S. citizen granted custody of the child?
- Who do you think I am? Madonna?

F) Have you ever been denied a U.S. visa or entry into the U.S. or had a U.S. visa canceled?
- Yup but please give me a second chance ;-)

G) Have you ever asserted immunity from prosecution?
- Wait a moment isn't that part of the constitution? What was that fifth amendment again?

Now I understand that they want to make sure that only upright and virtuous citizens go there but I have to wonder, has anyone ever said yes? When they do what happens? Also in reality, is anyone who should be answering yes ever going to do so to these question?

Wouldn't it be better for the US immigration service to just ask "Are you a goody or a baddy?"

On a different vein, I should be OK as I am a member of the Mafia I can safely answer yes to all these questions
;-)